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As the dog, by now having tasted blood, was going wild, he subdued it by battering it around the head with the bottle he had been carrying. The Italian then felt his back straighten and his pain disappear. What should you do if you see a scouser jogging? Google provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. St Peter was guarding the Pearly Gates when 40 scousers turn up. On board the train the three Americans cram into one toilet while the three scousers cram into another  nearby. Shocked to the core at witnessing such a brutal display of violence, the barman quickly brings over another beer. ", "Wow!" No HTML is allowed in comments, but URLs will be hyperlinked. He tells them he has no room in the back of his wagon as he ihas a full load of 20,000 bowling balls. Funny Jokes. It was the Hindu. You also have to escort the young ladies on their overseas holidays. Javascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. A scouser walked into the local job centre, walked straight up to the counter and said "Hi, I'm looking for a job". ", while pointing towards the end of the bar. "That was fantastic! keep them coming! Copyright © 2020 HubPages Inc. and respective owners. It was the Jew. ", [Explanation for non-British people - "Disability" is the highest paying welfare benefit paid out in the UK. There are 2 Scouse men sat at a table. I'm on Disability! A: Yeah, as if they have electricity in Liverpool... Q: What is the difference between a battery and a Scouser fan? Other product and company names shown may be trademarks of their respective owners. Next thing PC Plod of Greater Manchester Police pulls him up for speeding. The barman nodded, so the Scouser told him to give Jesus a lager, too. asked an American. Thumbs up and funny. It was Friday evening in Liverpool, and having just received their Dole cheque, Gaz and Baz were trying to decide where to go that night. He is quite mechanically-minded and agrees to take a look at the bike for them, but no matter what he tries he is ultimately unable to get the bike going again. Spoken like a true Scouser :). The people of Liverpool are among the finest in the world - warm-hearted, humorous, generous and hard-working, they are true salt-of-the-earth people. ", The man behind the counter replied "You started it!". Thanks for the laughs Izzy. Of course there is crime but that happens anywhere liverpool has the lowest crime rate in the northwest. ComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. The third customer to enter the bar was a Scouser, who briskly walked into the bar and yelled, "Barman, gis us a lager dere la! He knocks on the toilet door and says, "Ticket, please." The clerk behind the counter replied "Your timing is amazing. Some articles have Google Maps embedded in them. What's the difference between a Scouser and a coconut? So off he went to the barn, leaving the scouser and the Jew to share the room. Liverpool F C was one, but Kenny's fixed that at the expense of my beloved wolves. What a wonderful job! and that there was only one room left for them to share. They then bought a single ticket for the return trip. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. A  trucker stops his lorry to see if he can help and the scousers ask him for a lift. we all need a laugh now and then :)Thanks for reading ! "I AM THE GENIE I GRANT YOU ONE WISH...EACH" So the Manc says "I'm first I found it, I want my beloved Old Trafford to have a wall 300. He left his post to go and ask God for advice. The Manc kicks an empty can and a genie pops out. A: Because God couldn’t find three wise men and a virgin, An eldery lady was walking slowly down the street when she was attacked by a rottweiler that had been wandering around unleashed on its own. ", "I'm not sure" the big scouser replies. "Just what did he say to you? A friendly trucker stops to see if he can help and the scousers ask him for a lift. This is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. Scouse jokes are among the funniest you will find in the world. This is feature allows you to search the site. Being the first time he had ever seen anyone from Liverpool arrive at Heaven's door, he wasn't sure what to do. 5 of them, in fact! A scouser walked into the local job centre to pick up his dole cheque, Somewhere there's a scouser with a genie in a lamp wondering what to do with his last wish, Woman: Perfect timing. The Hindu and the scouser had just got into their respective beds when there was a knock on the door. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites. However, he doesn't like the thought of leaving them there stranded, so he squeezes the scousers and their bike into the back of the wagon along with the bowling balls. ), Liverpool office (the wheels have been nicked), Lawyers Jokes, A Collection of the Funniest Lawyer and Attorney Jokes, Jokes From the Pulpit of Pastor Greg Laurie. This is no different to being rasist just think about it . Cheers Izzy. He then asked the barman for an Irish whisky, and as it was being poured asked the barman  "Is that Jesus down there? A bloke phones up the pet passport government department to report that his pet goldfish has been stolen... Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account. "Scouse b*****d kills family pet". A big list of scouse jokes! Soon after the train left the station,, the conductor comes around  to collect the tickets. This is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons. Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized. The scouser said "You're bullshitting me! you make me sick :(, The pearly gates one was brilliant! In the corner of a tiny deserted bar is a huge scouse bloke - 6ft 5in tall and 350lbs. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Hiya Izzy, this is so funny! A Dubliner, A Scouser and A Glaswegian all enjoying a drink in a bar, when they notice Jesus sitting at the other end... Somewhere there is a scouser with a lamp and one wish left. A man walking past grabbed the rottweiler, and using all his strength, pulled it off the woman. I was laughing so much myself I just had to share! Some great Scouse jokes. After 3 or 4 pints, the gay man finally finds the Dutch courage needed to speak to the big Liverpudlian. She sees a child playing, when all of a sudden a large angry dog bounces towards the child, picking the child up and shaking it.. Scouser Jokes. Just had this one come in. What do you call a Scouse woman who has had 6 abortions ? Shortly afterward, one of the scousers comes out of the toilet he is in and walks over to the toilet where the Americans are hiding. i dont think so! A newspaper reporter had been passing and witnessed the whole episode. Jesus then approached the Scouser, who quickly backed off and exclaimed, "Don't you f**kin touch me! No experience necessary. They break down and start hitching a lift. Scouse refers to the people of Liverpool, that fine port city on the River Mersey in north west England, who are nicknamed scousers. I loved the pearly gates one and hadn't heard most of them. What's the tallest Mountain in Liverpool? To make up for lost time, the trucker puts his foot down. This is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. "Man United fan turns hero and saves woman from vicious dog attack". £100k pa and a Bentley as a company car, A manc (someone from Manchester) and a scouser (someone from Liverpool) are walking down a street talking football. He gets on his radio and calls for immediate backup from all cars in the area.. After opening the  back door he quickly shuts it and locks it. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so. “I’ve got a wagon with 20,000 Scouse eggs in it – two have already hatched and the bastards have managed to nick a motorbike already”. "I'm sorry," he said, "but there's a cow in that barn and because I'm a Hindu I feel uncomfortable about sharing the barn with it.". Three Americans and three scousers are travelling by train. HubPages® is a registered Service Mark of HubPages, Inc. HubPages and Hubbers (authors) may earn revenue on this page based on affiliate relationships and advertisements with partners including Amazon, Google, and others. he leans over, cupping the huge ear and quietly asks "Do you want a blow job?". The hours are a bit long but the meals are provided. Why do pigeons fly upside down over Liverpool? I'd never heard of Scouse before, now I know. You'll have to drive around in a big black Mercedes and wear the uniform provided. Never heard of Scouse either, but had no problem with the humour. The farmer, an old friend of his, would let one of them sleep in the barn  free of charge. We may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites. On the way out they give you a hundred quid and you go home. I'll likely get a duplicate warning on this hub at some point.. They all board the train. ", --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------. Scouse refers to the people of Liverpool, that fine port city on the River Mersey in north west England, who are nicknamed scousers. He says 'I drive my truck from Hamburg to Liverpool via Holland/Belgium over to the UK and up to Liverpool, drops his load off and back to Hamburg in under 2 days. Probably due to friendly rivalry between Liverpool and nearby Manchester, scousers have acquired the reputation of being thieves and completely lacking morals and the scouse jokes reflect this.

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